News

Tourism in Dirt Cove down 100%

by Wilson Wrightwrub, Publisher/Editor, Dirt Cove Press

Decrease may be due to downturn
Tourism dropped unexpectedly in Dirt Cove overnight, when the town's sole tourist vanished into thin air. Many Dirt Covians will remember Syd Soyley as "that buddy that's not from here." Mayor Wallace "Uncle wally" Pippy had gotten to know the visitor quite well since he came here some days ago. "I got to know him quite well ever since he come here some days ago," Uncle Wally commented in a phone interview today. "He's from Australia. That's all the way down in the United States. He promised to send me a beer tap from there for my collection." Postal authorities in Upper Lower Cove could not verify whether any taps have actually been sent, however.

Tourist may have fleed
Soyley was allegedly last seen fleeing Sully's Butchery, Taxidermy, and Embalmery Shop where he is alleged to have assaulted alleged proprietor Sully Wrongwrub. "He come at me unprovoked when I was making cold cuts out of ... I mean for Chuck Hookey. For his wake, that is." The tourist is also wanted for questioning in the murder of Mr. Charles "Chuck" Hookey who is currently dead and unavailable for comment.

The alien is believed to have stayed at Old Woman Hick's B&B while in town. Muriel "Old Woman" Hicks, the owner, had this to say: "Are you my son Billy?"

Police baffled. What else is new?
Constable Edward Brocklehurst, himself awaiting trial for allegedly drinking while on duty, said that there are no plans to hunt the alien down. "I looked it up," said Brocklehurst. "Tourism is perfectly legal in these parts. However, he was writing about the town and putting it up on something called the Inter-Net, so that may be illegal. We're still gathering facts at this point. You don't know where I can 'down-load' the Inter-Net, do ya?"

The alien, a.k.a. "the tourist", a.k.a. "Syd Soyley", a.k.a. "the Outback Backpacker", is a travel guide writer for the website stunned.net. His reports on Dirt Cove and tourism here, however, may have done more harm than good.

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